I.
Mortality devours my body as I descend
where once sky offered endless possibilities
a vista unhinged
all that remains is to
fall
gravity’s grasp relentless
pure authority
such forces that used to part like
river water to my mere fingernail
now dictate
conductor’s baton ripped from hazel limbs
creation once a chime from my sapphire tongue
is but a memory ever lingering
I fall into creation’s embrace now
here, a child neglected
here, a planet forsaken
scabs of desert rushing up
expanding like fresh wounds
jagged rock teeth eager to consume
there’s enough divinity left in me to survive the impact
II.
I was once light and aether
body an auric wholeness
starshine teeth and nebula lips
biology is carnivorous
form consumed
crystalline skin once translucent
body once melodic in
ruby harmonics
emerald arpeggios
is now choked
surface opaque
myself shrouded
parasite processes tunnel underneath
staccato heartbeat usurps
cellular slush weeds forth
chandelier bones take shape
a corpse in animation
III.
mortality is a virus
an infinite mirror sea of curses
body plots against me
such destruction is mercurial
such destruction is binary
this maleness plagues form
stubbles of hair bloom malignant
relentless upon once smooth skin
face cracks until angular, harsh
chest flattens, voice deepens
body alters beyond my control
I do not accept this reversal
I do not want this unblooming
only my words remain
only my tears remain
I shed them all until the desert
shimmers a stained-glass reflection of the sky above
my fingers dip into constellations that were once mine
IV.
I walk through sunset and sunrise
before desert facades breaks
ahead the earth yawns open
a fissure scarred upon its surface
from the heavens a mere line
yet here it is a canyon mid gasp
below
a stripe of colours that go indefinitely deep
a cross section
the planet’s past selves exposed
history unsheathed
I imitate earth
fingernails dig into my own skin
hoping for history
searching for truefemmeself
and find nothing
but blood and bone
V.
And yet I know it is elsewhere
if not within bone
then within soul
more ethereal
and yet always more
tangible
deeper
eternal
a stellar core adrift
and so I will search
_______________________
About the Author
Sam Jowett (they/them) is a queer, non-binary writer living in Toronto. They are known for haunting taco bars, frequenting discount cosmetic stores and trying to glam up all the little things in life. You can find their poems and stories in Room Magazine, Hypertrophic Magazine, Moonchild Magazine, and the occasional retro pinball machine. The poem above is the opening piece from their forthcoming Chapbook "Goddess Unbloomed," which can best be described as Paradise Lost meets Ru Paul's Drag Race, and will be published by Bone & Ink Press. You can follow them on Twitter @samuel_jowett.