I want every evil done at once. I want a single parade
of universal lacrimation. I want to break
up with every lover anyone has ever had
to leave and I want to do it in one deathly guilt-wet session.
I want the excruciation of every murder
that might ever happen capsulized so I can
take it with tomorrow’s breakfast. I want every blameless mote
that could ever evoke a blink thrust into my eye
as a single ocean-long compacted log,
and I want to be flayed once for each soul in each prison
that will ever stain a place.
I want to mourn every death in a
body-blue instant. I want to become a momental maelstrom
of absolute sorrow. I want you to kill me,
over and over and over, all at once —
but I want you to do it right this time: I want you to join me.
We are going to share in every last agony
your pact magic will muster.
We’ll split each other like pomegranates,
palm cups chasing seeds or teeth to tile,
staunching all our wounds with sorries even as we ply our knives.
We’ll break bread with our broken
fingers and pass around indignities
like a last cigarette, then find each other’s eyes and see
what we have made. We will spend
every life’s anguish in a single prodigal spree
so we can be done with hurt forever, for I have had enough.
I have had enough. I have had enough,
and that is why I will not walk away.
Now we will all have enough, and the Summer will be green.
I want us to blast a last lachrymatory,
a glass granary bearing all our sunlit
tears, into orbit as a moon when the moment is done;
but we will need no spell, nor saline satellite,
to warn us against our abuse in the end.
For once you feel what I have felt, you will know one thing forever:
It is not worth us.
PALIMRYA (she/her). Like a good wyrm, Palimrya loves you and has spent seven drops of her precious twiceblood to grant you each a full belly, an arrow-melty mantle, and a mossy millennium. Find her stories, poems, and roleplaying games at palimrya.com and feed her furnace @palimrya on twitter, where she writes microfiction and jokes and cutely bleeds.